Sunday, December 27, 2009

Fan Letters

It's been a while since I've posted some fan letters - I checked my older ones, I did have to laugh at myself when re-reading the one to Newcastle about how to waste time. But today, something a little more serious. Not that time wasting isn't serious, but...

Dear Mr Pasfield
Your yelling is quite annoying - it's high-pitched, panicky and there's an awful lot of it.

No wonder your defenders don't listen to you! Their eardrums must've burst by now.

If not, perhaps they've taken a preventative measure. So the lesson here is too much yelling and they don't want to listen to you. A bit like Ben Kennedy has experienced. Have a chat to him about it - but please don't yell during this conversation.

Although your yell does provide an endless source of amusement when one tries to mimic it.


- Cecilia
Your biggest yell mimic (and yes, I'm annoying too).

Dear Mr Langerak
If you were a little older I would have undoubtedly already written to you by now - you're such a cheeky little cutie. :) Add your baby face and you really seem illegal.

However, cheekiness and cuteness aside, please learn how to use your body properly. I'm not convinced that that ball you were "shielding" from Brockie was actually out. I suspect that you were in punching distance of the assistant referee and we all know that you really are all limbs. You're kinda like a daddy long legs, but with only four legs. Although two are arms.

So, at training this week, try and have a chat to Carlos. I say try, because I have no idea if he actually speaks English yet. Try playing Charades if the talking thing fails. Though with your long limbs, he may mistake you for a John Cleese/Frank Woodly type and laugh himself silly.

Why Carlos? He is very good at using his (ample) body for shielding and protecting the ball. Get him to show you how he uses his body to shield the ball. It mainly involves sticking your arse out and creating space.

If Carlos offers to take the training further, please be careful. He does have an ample body, and we know he loves chicken, La Ionica chicken. So if you end up at his place for dinner, stick to the breast.

You don't need a big arse to stick it out and create space. I wouldn't want that cute little face of yours ruined by excess fats.


- Cecilia
Your biggest "Awwwwwwwww he's so cute!" gusher.

Dear Mr Vargas
I hate deflections. Please stop trying to do too much so that you don't make proper conduct and the ball follows some random trajectory that even Charlie Eppes couldn't figure out - and he's good at making sense of nothing. I've seen him on TV, so it must be true.

You're also quite slow and a poor marker. No wonder Daal got the better of you. Not to mention previous North Queensland attacks seem to have gotten through due to your inability to mark and/or read the game. Sure sure, the goal happened because of a wayward Leijer pass (intentional, so Charlie might have been able to calculate it), but Daal needed to be better marked.

Also, please don't collect silly yellow cards. The only reason one should collect one is when you've made a serious tackle. Not because you feel like arguing. He's the ref. He has cards. He'll always win. Unless it's Delovski - he seems a bit soft on the cards.


- Cecilia
A paid-up Melbourne Victory member for quite a few years now.


Neil said...

lol - One point, I don't think Langerak has an arse whatsoever to stick out so he may need to have more than the chicken breast when he goes around to Carlos' house for dinner, just to develop one.

Good to see you writing more often. Keep it up.

Cecilia said...

It's hard to write often! Particularly about football at the moment with Melbourne's woeful form. Our defense is too old and needs some spark - Vargas has seriously lost his touch, Kemp is an excellent chaser but can't mark and Leijer doesn't look to be the player he looked like he could be in the first couple of A-League seasons.